Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
