If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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