plz talk dirty to me
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize