no, he came in my armpit
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
