he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize