It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
