Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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