Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
