Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
