well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
