is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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