the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
