Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
