would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize