i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
