I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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