we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
