after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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