4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
