So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
they need to just BURY HIM!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
