Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
