i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
