Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
