Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize