you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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