just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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