your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize