Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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