I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
