i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
