vagina is talking i cant
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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