I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
