just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
