I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
