I'm sorry my penis didn't work
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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