We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
they need to just BURY HIM!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
