Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
