Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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