You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
