I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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