you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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