ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
