those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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