My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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