watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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