After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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