Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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