Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
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