I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
