just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
im holly from the hills drunk
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Church boner. Awkwardddd
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
