Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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