im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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