She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
