i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize