when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
