We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
