Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
