I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
