I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
