Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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