i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
