Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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