Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
