Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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