Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
