you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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