Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
