there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
