the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
