oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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