Don't make out with my wife yet
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize