he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize