it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
