I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
