Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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